want to know why i said friend? because if it wasn’t for him, i wouldn’t realize how much God loves me. i can honestly say now that i am in love with jesus christ, and i don’t think i have TRULY been able to say that and mean it.
as i mentioned, i won’t go into detail and make this a really long post, but what i have been dealing with i think a lot of people deal with but don’t speak up. for the past year i have been feeling like there was a weight on me; aka heaviness. i had no idea what to do- it is seriously the most miserable thing to go through.
also, i felt alone. which is weird considering i have such an awesome family and i have friends who i’m around. that was the enemy trying to make me believe i need a person or something of the world to satisfy me. um hello, LIE. but i didn’t realize that until yesterday.
i felt sad. another weird thing because nothing is going on in my life to make me sad. no circumstance is going on that is making me said, i mean. i always felt like at any moment i could just break down in tears. for no reason.
i know i might seem like the most bipolar person you have ever seen, and i can completely see that, and i am truly sorry haha. but i have never felt the freedom to post this for people to read or even talk about it until now. at this point i just want to share the freedom i have in christ. seriously, i have felt a lot of things, but i have never experienced such freedom and peace as i have in my God. it is absolutely incredible.
i talked to my dad about my situation at the beginning of this week. it was getting really bad to where i would go to bed and not even want to wake up. how sick is that? so my dad talked me through some stuff for a couple minutes (i was about to go to school) and i think he could tell something was up. turns out, he called his dad (“dah”) and i decided to call dah and talk to him.
so yesterday i drove to the church after getting my passport with my dad and decided to sit in the parking lot and call dah. best decision i could have made. he asked me questions and made me realize that the devil was oppressing me and i was letting him. he told me that i had the power in jesus’ name to cast the enemy out. i repeated a prayer after him, and it was like i was a new person. i can’t describe the way i am now. i guess it’s hard to put into words.
i feel like i am new. i no longer wake up dreading my day, i wake up thanking my almighty GOD for allowing me to go thorugh what i did for a whole year because if i had never experienced that darkness, i would never truly experience the light.
so let me tell you something. i know how it feels to put on the “happy” face. i have been doing that every day for a year. yes i’ve had good moments, but it’s so up and down that i was never truly satisfied. i want you to know that you need to talk about your problems no matter what they are. if i had never talked to my dad, i never would have called my dah and heard what the lord said through him.