I have been sooo tired lately. Tired physically, tired emotionally. Life just seems to be going at a pace that is out of my control. Sleep feels like a job that I fit in between everything else I have to do. Our evenings have been full and my days have mostly been spent trying to play “catch up” – whether it’s on housework or ministry work. Whenever a day off seems to be coming up on the horizon, it inexplicably gets filled with something.
Have you ever felt this way? I’m sure I’m not alone. It seems as if almost everyone is running not walking through life anymore. For me, I’m relieved to say that these are just phases in my life – not the norm. I strive hard to slow things down for I’m the kind of person that loves activity maybe two days a week, and a slower lifestyle the rest of the time. Oh if I could only dictate my own daily schedule! But alas, we are moms – are we not? Our schedule is often not our own.
I found myself a little overwhelmed and stressed last night. I couldn’t even watch the ONE show I wanted to because of scheduling. I don’t watch a lot of television – was one show too much to ask? My husband is feeling a bit neglected, my children are trying not to feel like they are an inconvenience to me because they have things going on (they aren’t) and I’m feeling neglected myself.
For whatever reason, when I stepped out of bed this morning I told God that I wanted to give this day to Him. I wanted it to start on a different note. (I should do this every morning, but in my humanness, I don’t.)
Well, today I was reading a devotion and some words struck my heart. It said,
“When you become a servant, you always give up something you could have kept for yourself – time, money, energy. But the greatest cost of all is yourself.”
That’s ME, I thought! And then I got the pangs of feeling ashamed. For I had been pretty selfish and whiney.
I LOVE serving moms through my ministry. It makes me feel like I’m giving back to the world in some way. It makes me feel like I can make a difference. It makes me feel like I matter. I LOVE doing things for my children. I
want them to remember having a mom who was involved and joyful. A mom who loved to do things with and for them regardless of how it affected her making a huge dinner, or keeping the house dusted and vacuumed. It was at that moment that I realized that these words were speaking completely about me. I give up a lot of my time to do my ministry. But it’s my choice. So if I’m behind on housework because I was doing things on the
computer for moms and women – it’s no one’s fault but my own. And it’s MY choice to give up my time, energy, and money for my children. How can I expect to not give anything up if I want to serve them? (And I really
When we expect to serve someone – whether it’s our children, a ministry, our spouses, friendships… whatever it is, we are wrong in not expecting to give up something in return. We can’t hold on to all of our time, energy, and money if we are willing to have a servant’s heart. It’s just not possible. We fight ourselves and we defeat the intent and purpose of our hearts when we get frustrated over things when we continue to expect things to conform to our situations or circumstances.
I think God is showing me that if I want to do something for Him and say that I’m doing it in HIS name – then I need to consider what I must give up in lieu of that, to be worth the price. I know that the Lord knows what is
important to my heart and if I still desire to fit other things in, He’ll provide a way for me to do that. It just may not be to the degree I’d originally have wanted,; but something’s gotta give. And if something’s gotta give – I’d
rather it be my heart.
So, I may not learn this lesson quickly, but I’m going to try to remind myself every time I see a somewhat messy house or am a little low on sleep – that I’m giving up some things for myself somet
imes so that I can invest in something (or someone) else for eternity. It’s what I choose. And to me, that’s more than worth it.
~ Dionna Sanchez has a monthly ezine for moms. Sign up free at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/newsletter.htm