I go through cycles and phases in life where I feel really “uncool.” It might be that I feel left out of a “cool” group of friends, or I don’t understand why a really good blog post doesn’t get any comments when someone else’s page gets 20 comments a day. Why do they like her and not me – I think? So I try harder to be what I deem “likeable.”
It occurs to me today how I have lived most of my life wanting people to like me. I know most all of us do want others to like us. But I have that inner need that compels me and propels me. I can’t stand it when I feel like someone doesn’t like me. It makes me want to get them to like me and to prove to them (and maybe myself) that they were wrong about me. I am not unlikeable!
Words cannot express how my heart feels knowing that I tend to be like this. I am saddened that I have let myself be gripped by something so much. I am learning that it’s okay if people don’t like me. I may not like it, it may even sadden my heart – but I’m learning to deal and live with it. You know what? Not everyone liked Jesus when He walked the earth, and not everyone likes Him today. I know it saddens His heart, just as it saddens mine. But He can handle it.
As I learn how to have my own voice in life more and more; as I grow into my own skin and realize my purpose in life, my gifts and strengths, as well as my flaws – I’m going to have to learn how to deal with others who won’t agree with everything about me. I may love one part of my life to a passion, where someone else cannot relate to it at all. It does not mean I’m unlikeable.
There is an old song by Amy Grant called “All I Have To Be.” There is a part in the song that says,
“The more I try to be the best,
the more I get the worst
And I realize the good in me
Is only there because of who you are.
All I ever have to be
Is what you’ve made me
Any more or less
Would be a step out of your plan.”
This is my heart’s desire. I want to remember that all I have to be is who God made me to be. Nothing more and nothing less. What the world makes of who I am is their choice. As long as I’m living for my Lord I can carry the knowledge with me that not only am I likeable but I am loveable – so much so that God created me just to enjoy me.
I’m just trying to be real. This is who I am. God has no more expectations of me so I shouldn’t put any on myself. There may be days where someone doesn’t choose me to do something with him or her or I am forgotten by someone else. I may not have the most popular blog or move everyone with the words that I write – but it’s okay. I am learning it’s okay. It’s what I carry in my heart and live out in my life that truly matters.
This is all I need to be.
~ Dionna Sanchez