Waiting For the Other Shoe To Drop

I was introduced to heartache at a young age. When I was 11 years old, my grandpa died suddenly of a heart attack. Three weeks later, my uncle died in a plane crash. These two traumatic incidents were only the beginning of tragic events that would happen in my life. I lost two friends and classmates – one my junior year of high school and one the summer after graduation.  I had two cousins commit suicide a few years apart. I lost several family acquaintances to cancer and had to make the tough decision to put my cat to sleep. 
 
Then, I married someone whose battles became my battles. We went through some hard times fighting for our rights together that included attorneys, a court battle, harassing phone calls and more.
 
When you go through tough things in life – it takes its toll on you. You may heal, but there is still a part of you that has been changed by life’s events. It starts to shape who you are.
 
I grew up a very bubbly, talkative, confident young girl. I became a stressed, insecure young woman. That’s what life can do to you, if you let it.  I say, “if you let it” because I believe in the human heart. I believe that a person can rise above their circumstances, overcome unfair things in life, and still become who they dream of being – if they simply make the choice to do so. I also believe that there is a purpose in the pain and that God can show you how to use what you’ve been through to better your life and others’.
 
I recently realized that although my life has been bestowed with many, many blessings – I often would still be feeling pain underneath of those smiles because there was something in me, based on what I had been through and seen in life, that was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I kept thinking that the good times were temporary. Something has to go wrong soon! But I was wrong to think that way and I was wrong to live that way.
 
God has the right to give and take away things and people in our lives. But even though we’ve been through personal pain, that doesn’t mean that our whole lives have to be lived as though we are victims. We don’t have to look around every corner, jump at every phone call, or sit and wait for that “next” bad thing to happen to us! We are wasting God’s blessings if we do this.

And I have done this.
 
I don’t want to waste God’s blessings on my life. I know that “life is life.” There is good and bad in life. There is fun and there is hardship. There is pain and there is joy. It is all a part of life. My life. And it all teaches me something. It’s up to me to learn from it.
 
I can always hold close to my heart those personal pains that are dear to me. Those things in life that touch my heart in profound ways because of what I went through and what they taught me. But I can’t continue to let them hurt me. I can’t let them overcome the present day. God has many blessings that He wants to give me in life too. And even though I may have felt the hurts in life on a deep level, I should allow myself to feel the joys of life on a deep level as well. For it is those joyous moments in life that remind me of my purpose, and my vision. It is the blessings in life that refuel me and heal me. If I don’t let myself fully feel them, then the painful moments in life will take over any joyous moments that I could have had. They are like weeds left untended. They kill the flowers that are trying to grow.
 
We all have heartache and painful memories. We’ve all dealt with “stuff.”  But there is a quote in the “Rocky Balboa” movie that says, “It’s not about how hard life hits you – it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” That’s what we need to do. Keep moving forward. Don’t let those weeds grow too big in your life; for there are many flowers just waiting to bloom.
 

~ Dionna is a work in progress. She shares what God teaches her through her pain and her joy in the hopes that it will help someone else break free from the lies and pain that Satan has laid before them. You can read more of Dionna’s heart at her blog: http://beautyinthestorm.blogspot.com

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