Shot Down

Have you ever tried to lovingly give someone support and advice only to feel like every time you do you’re “shot down” cold? I’ve felt that way and it’s very frustrating.  Not that I think I always know it all or that they should take my advice, but just that it would be nice to have them acknowledge the fact that I’m listening to them, that I care, and I’m trying to help in some way.
I don’t think people even always realize that they don’t listen to others. I think they just don’t like to give the appearance that they are helpless or maybe they don’t want to tell themselves that someone else might know how to solve what is going on and they aren’t ready for that conclusion or answer. Sometimes maybe someone else doesn’t even have an answer – they just want to show that they care. Yet, the individual who is hurting or feeling frustrated doesn’t realize that they fail to accept that comfort when it is offered.
It can hurt. Trying to help others who are hurting can hurt when you feel like they just want to vent but when you reach open your arms they always turn away.
I haven’t figured out what to do when this happens. All I know is that the love that I felt in the first place has to count for something. And when I feel like someone closes their heart off to me, I go to the Lord and ask Him to help the love in my heart only increase. I don’t want to let bitterness or hurt feelings on my part overcome the good intentions and compassion that I had for the other person in the first place!
I think being “shot down” by someone whom you are genuinely trying to listen, understand, and support will always hurt. But if you can bandage yourself up and keep going – those wounds can turn into reminders of what can happen to hurts that are left unhealed. They fester. And sometimes hurting people hurt people. They strike out in order to protect themselves. Maybe they feel like they said too much and so they go on the defensive because they don’t want to appear vulnerable. I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve been in the line of fire many times.
We all need to be heard. We all want others to understand our hurts and to care. We just need to be careful about seeking help and then withdrawing it just at the exact moment when help is being offered to us.
~ Dionna Sanchez is the Owner of the Emphasis On Moms Ministry at


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. duke1959
    Jul 13, 2010 @ 20:34:55

    It is hurtful. In the end it is about them. If they do not want your help that is their choice.


  2. kathiemt
    Jul 13, 2010 @ 21:08:26

    My husband and I have had this happen many times by one of our daughters and it happened again yet last night. So frustrating. Sometimes it feels like she only loves us when she gets what she wants. Sounds like a young child doesn’t it? And yet she’s nearly 30. We can only continue to pray for her that God will turn things around for her inside so she can love people and be loving.


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