Queen Anne’s Lace: A Love Story {of Sorts}

  These plants bloom across the countryside in mid-summer, then fade away without much fanfare.

We see them all the time.

Just Queen Anne’s Lace.

Or better yet…”wild carrot”.

They’re nothing fancy or exotic, really.

After all, the US Department of Agriculture has listed it as a noxious weed.  Isn’t’ that nice?

But one caught my eye this evening as I pushed my stroller-bound kids down our country road.

I stopped.  And looked.

It’s as though it begged me to get down, get closer, and examine it.

God does that to me sometimes.

He whispers…

Catching my attention, He woos me in to get a closer look and then rocks my world with the mundane.

{And I love it!}

I stared.

I picked.

 

And there it was.

Plain as day.

A single, small, red floret right in the center.

How very odd.

Was this one rare?  Deformed, maybe?

Or had I simply not taken the time to notice that they were they all like this?

I walked further and examined a few more.

Sure enough…there it was.  They were “normal”.

In the midst of this showy, snowy lattice of white was an unsightly, red…“thing”.

What was God thinking ruining a perfectly good flower with that?

I was tempted to pluck it off before I snapped a photo of it’s glorious detail.

But something inside me knew there was a story behind it’s unusual existence in the center of this flower.

I had to know.

{So my type-A, recovering-perfectionist self let the little bugger be}

This is what I found out:

Named after either Queen Anne of England {1665-1714} or Queen Anne of Denmark {1574-1619} – both avid lace makers – the red {or purple} blossom is said to be a drop of Queen Anne’s blood on the lace, as a result of a needle prick.

The real function of the little red flower…?

Why, to attract insects, of course.

Brilliant!

Mesmerized by this delightful weed, clicking away at it from behind my camera, the message started to penetrate.

You see, that inconspicuous little floret – the one that I’ve missed every time I’ve ever looked at Queen Anne’s Lace – is the heartbeat of that plant.

And you know…

I’m just like this showy little weed.

We all are.

We’re pretty common, really, amidst the countryside cluster of foliage.

But get this.

What sets us apart, what makes us attractive to the life buzzing around us, and the only thing that actually enables us to have an everlasting impact on the lives surrounding us…is what lies at the center of our being.

It’s that tiny little red – “blood drop” – of a blossom.

Without it we’re completely and utterly pointless.

Life stops there.

It’s true.

Without the shed blood, we’re nothing.

We cease to have influence.

We cease to have purpose.

We just cease.

But with it,

with Him,

we have everything

we will

ever

need

to

survive

and

thrive.

Look for it. 

It’s right there.

It’s because of that seemingly insignificant little ‘thing’ that we’re able to bloom exactly where we’re planted, despite our “noxious weed” days, and soak up the son.

And be

profoundly…

intricately…

beautiful.

By Joy McMillan, Simply Bloom

Ek-spek-tey-shuhn

Real friendships bring out the best in you.  And, if they’re truly authentic connections with quality human beings, they will undoubtedly bring out the worst.

I’ll never forget the time my best friend and I sat, puffy-eyed and frustrated, on opposite ends of my loveseat, allowing our emotions to bubble over and our disappointment in each other to surface. 

We had totally set ourselves up. 

Both newly married, with priorities changing, we were discovering our lofty expectations had been near impossible to live up to.  It seemed we had become thoroughly disenchanted with what we had assumed was the perfect friendship.  The “honeymoon phase” clearly over, we were now uncovering baggage, and subsequently spent the next 2 years navigating some rough waters, clinging tightly to the torn fabric of our friendship.

Fast forward 4 years; this amazing woman is not only one of my favorite people on the planet, but our friendship is sweeter, deeper and richer than ever, having weathered the storm of unrealistic expectations {not to mention the rough waters of motherhood}.  A best friend in the truest form.

Take that dynamic to the next level…and marry one of your best friends.

Beauty blossoms.  Ugliness surfaces. 

Expectations soar.  Disappointment brews.

We feel our deepest needs aren’t getting met the way we expect they should…and so we distance ourselves and refuse to meet theirs.

I’ve heard it said, “if you can’t handle having your sin exposed…don’t get married”.

Woah.  Let’s hear it for the jagged little pill of truth!

But…and here’s the catch…this is good!  So good!

It’s not an accident, this “until death us do part” thing.

It’s not even a “con” in a list of marital pros and cons. 

It’s downright brilliant!

God designed intimate fellowship this way, especially within the marriage covenant, to cultivate a safe place in which to expose the depths of who we are.  The deep, dark, ugly side we hoped no one would ever experience {and for many of us, we didn’t even know much of it existed until we got married and had kids and it unabashedly bubbled up from the depths!}.

But once exposed, God scoops us up in all our heart-nakedness, and sets about remolding, refining, healing and maturing us. 

It’s a wild and hairy, gloriously beautiful thing.

One of the divine designs behind God-centered friendship.

I’m finding as I grow older and settle into the stunningly authentic relationships God has so sweetly blessed me with, that one of the deepest issues being slowly uprooted from my life {besides the unbelievable selfishness that is so stubbornly rooted within the human heart}, is the burden of expectation.

Expectation [ek-spek-tey-shuhn]:

the act or the state of expecting

Expectation.  It’s a word that carries with it tremendous responsibility, and the potential to inspire life & growth, or squeeze the very joy out of life.  When recklessly dished out, expectations have the ability to devastate our relationships and leave chasms of disappointment between us.

When I go about life with varying levels of expectation on my friendships, be it with girlfriends or family, or in my marriage, I put tremendous pressure on those people to meet needs that, quite honestly, they were never intended to meet.  And when they don’t meet those expectations, disappointment inevitably occurs, discontentment breeds and walls are built.

If comparison kills contentment, expectation breeds disappointment.

The crazy part is we don’t even realize we’re doing this. 

Expectation is so much a part of our culture, and our inward-focused mentality, that we’re not aware of the painful pressure it places on our interaction with others.  Formed most often from preconceived notions and lofty perceptions of what we think marriage {and relationships in general} should fulfill in us, we go through life being constantly disappointed that others are not meeting our needs, our expectations of them.  Not to mention, carrying the weight of that sense that we too are a disappointment to those around us.  That we don’t meet their expectations of us.

It’s a royal mess.

We seem to have forgotten that God indeed created us with the intrinsic need for value, identity, worth and fulfillment {all vital needs that yearn to be met}…but that He is the only one truly able to meet those needs.  Sure, he uses precious people in our lives to confirm and affirm these things in us…but He alone is the one designed to satisfy the ache in our hearts, our desire to be fully known, unconditionally accepted, and our constant need to be extravagantly loved.

As long as I place those expectations on my husband, I’m setting him up for failure, and myself for disappointment.  My marriage was never designed to bear that kind of weight.

As long as I place those expectations on my friendships, we walk on eggshells, never quite knowing where we stand, with defeat and failure looming just around the corner.  Our friendships were never designed to shoulder this responsibility.

It’s time to lay {unhealthy} expectation to rest.

For oh…what sweet freedom is experienced in relationships where expectation has been laid down, and in it’s place, a selfless pursuit of a love-drenched life taken up…and lived out with God-centered expectancy.

“A Godly woman is one who possesses inner peace and tranquility:

she doesn’t have to prove herself to anyone.

Neither does she depend on recognition from others.

Hers is an inner contentment and satisfaction

based not on accomplishments, position, or authority;

but on a deep awareness of God’s eternal

and personal love for her”.

By Joy McMillan, Simply Bloom

52 Little Lines with Big Benefits

The weight of our words carry the very power of life and death in their grasp.

We have the ability to make or break the little lives that have been entrusted to us.

But sadly, and too often, hurtful, thoughtless, harsh words tumble from my lips.

And sure enough, it is my precious children who see and hear the worst of me.

I’m positive there is a filter malfunction in there somewhere.

So when I stumbled upon this brilliant collection of phrases – all designed to help make your “child feel great”, I promptly printed it out and stuck it up on the side of my fridge.

I look at it frequently.

And it makes me smile.  Because it makes my little ones smile.

And then I thought…how silly to keep this all to myself {assuming, of course, that the hundreds of people who have already tapped into the beautiful heart of Janel Breitenstein, don’t read my blog}.

Choose a couple from the list each day and be intentional about seeking out opportunities to encourage your child’s heart, and breathe life into their sweet spirit.

 

1.       The way you (insert action) is such a perfect addition for our family. God knew just what we needed when He gave us you.

2.       I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me for (insert specific action)?

3.       I forgive you. And I won’t bring this up again, okay?

4.       I want to hang out with just you tonight. What do you want to do?

5.       Thank you!

6.       Yes, there is food in the house.

7.       I trust you.

8.       I can’t believe how (insert positive adjective) you are. I can’t imagine the plans God has for you!

9.       I saw how you (insert specific positive action). I’m so proud of you.

10.   There’s money on the table for you.

11.   I believe you.

12.   I’m proud of you. And even if you weren’t so fantastic, I’d still be proud.

13.   I know you and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I’m committed to working on our relationship so we both feel understood and secure.

14.   I got you this, just because.

15.   Lately I’ve really seen you grow in the area of (insert character quality), like when you (insert specific action).

16.   I admire you in (insert specific area). In fact, I could learn a lot from you in that area.

17.   That was a really wise choice.

18.   Snow day!

19.   You’re really growing into a young man/woman of character. I can’t tell you how exciting that is!

20.   I remember when I (insert vulnerable moment). I felt so (insert description). I don’t know if that’s like what you’re going through, but it was a tough time for me.

21.   No matter how royally you mess up, I’ll always be glad you’re mine, I’ll forgive you, and I’ll love your socks off.

22.   Go ahead and sleep in tomorrow.

23.    I had no idea you could do that! You impress me.

24.   What do you think?

25.   I canceled your dentist appointment.

26.   I love your dad so much! He is so (insert adjective).

27.   I love being around you.

28.   No chores today.

29.   I’m so glad you’re home.

30.   I love doing (insert activity) with you.

31.   You are one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. I am so humbled He gave me you.

32.   I feel so proud when I’m with you.

33.   You handled that so well.

34.   I made your favorite (insert food).

35.   You know, you may not feel very (insert adjective), but God knew exactly what He was doing you making you the way He did, and it was just how He wanted to express Himself. I love you just the way He made you. And I wouldn’t have wanted Him to do it any differently.

36.   I’m trusting that God will take perfect care of us. He’s always done it before! Can we pray together about this?

37.   With God’s help, your dad and I will never, ever get a divorce.

38.   That looks great on you.

39.   If I were in your shoes, I would feel so (insert adjective). Is that how you feel?

40.   Would you turn your music up?

41.   You are so well-disciplined in (insert specific area).

42.   I sent you a big ol’ care package in the mail.

43.   That was so courageous.

44.   Do you feel like I’m understanding you?

45.   If there were one thing you could change about me as your mom, what would it be?

46.   You have some real gifts in the area of (insert adjective).

47.   Let’s go to Grandma’s!

48.   It is so cool to watch you grow up.

49.   Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you.

50.   I miss you, but I’m glad you’re having a good time!

51.   You make me so happy just by being you.

52.   I love you so much.

Family Life, Mom Life Today, Janel Breitenstein

I trust these powerful words will bless you – and their lucky recipients – as much as they have us!

By Joy McMillan, Simply Bloom

Processing Life.

Life is fragile, this we know well.

But we far too easily forget.

We are rocked from our comfortable little worlds when headlines bleed with news of faithful soldiers and innocent civilians lost amidst the whirlwind of war, precious little lives snuffed out at the hands of those entrusted to protect and provide for them, hundreds upon thousands of people wiped out by the catastrophic effects of natural disaster.

We ache.

Reality slowly sinks in as the weight of our hearts within our chests becomes almost too much to bear, and we are forced to soberly look inward.

Desperately, to look upward.

Tears come.  We wonder.  Why.  How.  We pray.  And question what we truly believe about life.  And death.

We look across at our precious loved ones, our very breath snatched from our lungs for just a moment at the thought of losing one of them, and we realize anew the fleeting vapor that is this life.

And we thank God for the gift of their lives mingled with our own, brief as it may be in the grand scheme of eternity.

{breathe in.  breath out.}

The brevity of life catches me off guard all too often.

Like today.

Just after 2:00am last Wednesday we got word that one of the Officers from my husband’s post – and one of the fine men that first trained my hubby – had just been killed in a car accident, while pursuing another vehicle.

Husband, daddy, son, brother, state trooper, friend.

Gone.  Just like that.

Today our hearts are aching.

Freshly aware of how evanescent this flesh-and-bones world truly is.

And yet, acutely aware of how important choosing to love others where they’re at, every chance we get, truly is.

It is true what they say, that you may be the only Jesus some people ever meet, the only bible some people ever read.

Sharing the life nestled within us with a hurting world makes all the difference.

As my husband and I talked this morning over breakfast, his gratitude for the connection he had made with this man was evident.  Through tears he whispered, “Jeff and his wife had just decided to get back together again…and they wanted to start going to church”.

You see, He woos us, this magnificent Creator of life itself, drawing our hearts back to His through every delight and crisis we encounter, lovingly holding every moment of our lives in the palm of his hand before even one of them comes to pass.

As we work through this tragic loss, and process those things unknown, we rest in the sovereignty of a God who is so extravagantly in love with His creation that He pursues their souls to their very last breath.

And in that knowledge, take peace.

“May you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully” Ephesians 3:18-19a

By Joy McMillan, Simply Bloom

Coming Up For Air

In this house

we do dishes, yes…

But we also do wild.  Unorthodox.

We do mistakes.

We do second chances.

And third.

And four hundred and seventy-ninth.

*thankfully*

We do silly.

We do laughter.

We do real.

We do tomfoolery.

{and plenty more mistakes}

We do “I’m sorry’s”.

{A lot of “I’m sorry’s”}

We do loud.

We do long hugs.

Lots of sweet kisses.

We do grace.

We do family.

We do us.

Perfect imperfection.

 

It has been a tough parenting day.  One of ‘those’ days.

Actually it’s been a rough week.  Ever since returning from our anniversary getaway, we’ve been dealing with incredibly unpleasant {see…I’m choosing my words wisely} behavior in my daughter; over-the-top whining and drama about every little thing, constant boundary-pushing, mega attitude and rudeness like we’ve not experienced from her before.

And today, I fell apart at the seams.

And it was the furthest thing from pretty.  It was downright scary.

I failed miserably, shouting – in the heat of the moment; where utter exhaustion and intense furry collide – with such anger in my voice that my heart ached with regret as the dagger-like reprimands left my mouth.

Sure, she was wrong in behaving the way she did.

But now, so was I.  My immature, impulsive handling of her behavior simply added fuel to the fire.

I get to choose: water or fuel. Today I grabbed the fuel.

It was one of the most ferocious crazy cycles we’ve ever been caught in, her and I.

I modeled such poor anger-management skills today that it breaks my heart to think about.  The very heart attitude we are working to mold and transform in her was so starkly, blatantly revealed within me..and found wanting.

One of the hardest parts for me to swallow is this: I never was an angry person before this season of my life.  Where is all this rage coming from?  In 7 years of marriage, I have never spoken to my husband in the harsh, unkind way I did to my daughter today.  I have become a yeller.  And I hate it.

Maybe it’s simply that I was good at stuffing…and my toddler is good at digging.

Immature outbursts drenched in selfishness & impatience: 2

Tenderly delivered, grace-filled lessons in {tough} love: 0

And despite {many} apologies, my heart is still heavy.

What a horrible, ugly side of my heart emerged today.  And my 3 1/2 year old, tender-hearted little girl, had a front seat.

Oh, how desperately in need of saving I still am.

How deeply I need accountability in the way I process my weary frustration in mothering toddlers.  How vitalsupport and friendship is to surviving this rollercoaster ride of parenthood.

How very grateful I am for God’s incredible patience with me.  His ever-present mercy, grace and direction on this journey.  His faithful protection of my daughter’s impressionable heart.

So I press on.

“God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He’s all I’ve got left.”

Lamentations 3:23-23 {The Message

by Joy McMillan, Simply Bloom